(An edited version of this column appeared in Good Taste Magazine, Dubai in September 2012)
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| Thing 1:My creativity knows no bounds |
‘Are you going to be
doing that all night?’ whines my husband from the sofa. It’s
11pm on a school night, and I’m sitting on the floor surrounded by
bits of cardboard, glue, crepe-paper and scissors. I've been here
for over three hours and have so far produced: a one-foot-high, red
and white striped hat for my seven-year-old ‘Cat in the hat’;
a t-shirt with a ‘Diary of a wimpy kid’ design painted
onto it, for my nine-year-old Greg Heffley wannabe; a blue wig
which has been fashioned from the insides of a scatter cushion dipped
in blue paint, and glued to a rubber swimming hat, for ‘Thing
One’ aka the five-year-old.
Yes, it’s Book Day tomorrow, and like any good
school event, the real work is done at home - long into the night –
by us, the hapless parents. And any plans for an evening spent, glass
in hand, sitting in front of ‘Colin and Justin’s Home Heist’
on the Lifestyle channel now lay in tatters alongside the discarded
crepe paper and the polyester cushion-stuffing.
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| Diary of a Wimpy Kid...lame I know... |
Prior to this effusion of creativity, I spent
thirty minutes painstakingly winding three dozen bendy curlers around
the tweenager’s hair, in an effort to recreate Tracy Beaker
in the flesh. Cautiously I suggest she considers sticking a sign on
her back with the words ‘I’m Tracy Beaker’ – to avoid
being confused with bass-guitarist with Queen, Brian May –
but am silenced by a scowl. I suppose I should be relieved she
settled on a Jacqueline Wilson character; her initial plan to go as
the patient with locked-in syndrome from ‘The Diving Bell and
the Butterfly’ was not, I felt, something that would be
necessarily understood by her peers.
I admire teachers, it’s not a job I would
relish, but I’m pretty certain that they come up with these
events as revenge on us parents who regularly send our children to
school minus their library book/piece of fruit/uniform (it has
happened); I can picture them sitting at their desks in their empty
classrooms, sniggering maniacally and rubbing their hands together
over tepid cups of tea, as they compose those blasted notes for
home -
‘Tomorrow we are celebrating Native American
Indians, so parents please ensure your child comes dressed in
appropriate costume. And please, costumes must be of the Chickasaw
tribe ONLY. And a plate of something traditional from the 1890s
for the picnic afterwards would be appreciated!’.
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| Aladdin, Cat in a Hat, Kratos God of War... |
Now other than ensuring the children actually get
there most days, I generally struggle to meet the regular demands
made by the school. But for some reason Book Day stirs me up a
little, and brings out a largely dormant competitive edge. And unlike some
parents (you know who you are!) I am not content to merely
send them in wearing a Spiderman or princess costume - just
because we had them handy in the toy box - whilst weakly protesting
that the ‘Spiderman Annual, 2010’ is a real book. For me,
Book Day is about celebrating books, and I like to ensure my children
dress as characters they love and have actually read about. And yes,
in proper books!
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| Harry Potter grows his hair... |
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| Cat in a Hat crops up most years... |
It’s midnight, and the costumes are complete,
it’s time for bed. I switch off the light and make my way towards
the stairs. My daughter appears sleepily at the top - "I just
remembered, I need to make a horse's head for assembly tomorrow".
Turning around, I switch the light back on and reach for the crepe
paper...
