School holidays nightmares...
I hate school holidays. They feel like a personal attack on those of us who are reckless enough to have more than two or three kids. I don't quite know who is inflicting this attack -- I haven't thought it through that far -- but probably some kind of 'one-child policy' conspiracists ...or rather, 'two-to-three-child-policy' conspiracists, who disapprove of the four-or-more brigade).
I say this because, when I had just a couple of kids I quite liked the school hols; for one I could snooze late by locking the bedroom door so the children couldn't escape (they all slept in my bed anyhow), putting on a Little Mermaid DVD, and throwing brioches, muffins and milk at them so that I could snatch an extra hour of semi-dreaming, albeit with a Disney soundtrack.
We'd eventually get dressed and venture out to a play centre or park for a couple of hours, followed by baby-bowls from Bewley's (ah for the days when the kids would eat vegetables..), and best of all, I didn't have to worry about having school uniforms ready for the morning.
And on some days we wouldn't even make it out of pyjamas at all; I'd laze the day away reading novels or watching the box-set of Pride and Prejudice (BBC adaptation), while the children made tents under the kitchen table and emptied the cupboards of saucepans. I'd feed them crackers and petit-filous, and not once have to worry about whether there was any bread for the school lunches in the morning. At night I could stay up late watching crap TV like Forensic Detectives, while drinking cheap prosecco from Lidl, without a care for the morning hangover.
Time loses all meaning during school holidays, days blend into each other, you drift through the week with no idea what day it us,and any sudden engagement or appointment suddenly feels like an intrusion.
And I think it's this loss of structure that, while so charming and whimsical with three children, becomes the overwhelming problem when you have more than this - I need a routine or I'm lost I tell you, LOST!
Nowadays, school holidays -- unless they involve a trip abroad with DH at the helm -- can best be described by comparing them to that scene from Father Ted, from the aptly entitled episode 'Hell', where Ted and Dougal visit a caravan park for their annual holiday, only to discover that Father Noel Furlong -- possibly the most annoying TV character in recent times -- along with his youth-club members, is also staying in the caravan. Yep, if you know that episode, you get the picture.
Yes school is essentially free child-care, and if they learn how to spell or read a map into the bargain, well bring it on, I'm all for it!
It's that time of year again...
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X-Factor UK is back and as barmy as ever (I can't be doing with the Australian X Factor - I mean I'm delighted that Mel B and Ronan Keating still have careers somewhere in the world, but I'm simply not interested in investing my time in watching them.) This is the show where uttering the immortal line 'this means the world to me', before breaking down in tears, is a pre-requisite to getting a place in the Live Finals.
Oh how I missed the high-jinx and frankly insane judges decisions, which are clearly only made to incite fury from the Tweeting masses and Facebook campaigners. (Oh, and Gary, I've missed Gary). I mean, seriously, how Louis could have chosen Rylen* over that girl (sorry, she was better than Rylen but still can't remember her name, which probably tells you all you need to know about the voting pattern on the X Factor). Just for a second, try to imagine last years Wagner, or Diva Fever, or our friend Rylen making it to the live finals of the X Factor USA? - no, me neither. X Factor UK -- with all its pantomimic, freak-show lunacy -- you gotta love it!
BTW I think Ella looks like a winner, although I do have a soft spot for the quirky Lucy, who appears to be the love child of Norman Wisdom and Victoria Wood. As for the boy-bands? Meh - who cares!
* Screamingly camp who simply cannot sing but is prone to questionable Grace Jones-esque outfits who did a pretty ghastly rendition of Spandau Ballet's 'Gold' on Saturday night. Oh and check out how he reacted when he was given a place in the live shows - hilarious stuff!
I hate school holidays. They feel like a personal attack on those of us who are reckless enough to have more than two or three kids. I don't quite know who is inflicting this attack -- I haven't thought it through that far -- but probably some kind of 'one-child policy' conspiracists ...or rather, 'two-to-three-child-policy' conspiracists, who disapprove of the four-or-more brigade).
I say this because, when I had just a couple of kids I quite liked the school hols; for one I could snooze late by locking the bedroom door so the children couldn't escape (they all slept in my bed anyhow), putting on a Little Mermaid DVD, and throwing brioches, muffins and milk at them so that I could snatch an extra hour of semi-dreaming, albeit with a Disney soundtrack.
We'd eventually get dressed and venture out to a play centre or park for a couple of hours, followed by baby-bowls from Bewley's (ah for the days when the kids would eat vegetables..), and best of all, I didn't have to worry about having school uniforms ready for the morning.
And on some days we wouldn't even make it out of pyjamas at all; I'd laze the day away reading novels or watching the box-set of Pride and Prejudice (BBC adaptation), while the children made tents under the kitchen table and emptied the cupboards of saucepans. I'd feed them crackers and petit-filous, and not once have to worry about whether there was any bread for the school lunches in the morning. At night I could stay up late watching crap TV like Forensic Detectives, while drinking cheap prosecco from Lidl, without a care for the morning hangover.
Time loses all meaning during school holidays, days blend into each other, you drift through the week with no idea what day it us,and any sudden engagement or appointment suddenly feels like an intrusion.
And I think it's this loss of structure that, while so charming and whimsical with three children, becomes the overwhelming problem when you have more than this - I need a routine or I'm lost I tell you, LOST!
Nowadays, school holidays -- unless they involve a trip abroad with DH at the helm -- can best be described by comparing them to that scene from Father Ted, from the aptly entitled episode 'Hell', where Ted and Dougal visit a caravan park for their annual holiday, only to discover that Father Noel Furlong -- possibly the most annoying TV character in recent times -- along with his youth-club members, is also staying in the caravan. Yep, if you know that episode, you get the picture.
I'm goin' mad Ted...
School is a blessed relief from kids, particularly when your partner works away. It gives you time to do the shopping, touch-up your roots, watch the news, or execute 40 sit-ups without at least one child trying to climb onto your stomach, while everyone else points and laughs (annoyingly, DH thinks it's hilarious to whistle the Rocky theme tune every time I try doing sit-ups...nothing is more likely to put you off than that).Yes school is essentially free child-care, and if they learn how to spell or read a map into the bargain, well bring it on, I'm all for it!
It's that time of year again...
.
 |
| When wearing a cowl goes too far... |
Oh how I missed the high-jinx and frankly insane judges decisions, which are clearly only made to incite fury from the Tweeting masses and Facebook campaigners. (Oh, and Gary, I've missed Gary). I mean, seriously, how Louis could have chosen Rylen* over that girl (sorry, she was better than Rylen but still can't remember her name, which probably tells you all you need to know about the voting pattern on the X Factor). Just for a second, try to imagine last years Wagner, or Diva Fever, or our friend Rylen making it to the live finals of the X Factor USA? - no, me neither. X Factor UK -- with all its pantomimic, freak-show lunacy -- you gotta love it!
BTW I think Ella looks like a winner, although I do have a soft spot for the quirky Lucy, who appears to be the love child of Norman Wisdom and Victoria Wood. As for the boy-bands? Meh - who cares!
* Screamingly camp who simply cannot sing but is prone to questionable Grace Jones-esque outfits who did a pretty ghastly rendition of Spandau Ballet's 'Gold' on Saturday night. Oh and check out how he reacted when he was given a place in the live shows - hilarious stuff!
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