Chronicles of a Trailing Spouse...

Two years ago I had no friends. Today I have 87. It’s true, just go and look on my Facebook page if you don't believe me. Well, when I say 'no' friends, it’s not strictly true, DH is obviously my friend (in a sort of manacled together fashion), but that doesn’t count anyway. I have a couple of friends from school with whom I keep in touch. By ‘in touch’ I mean the odd email and the occasional drink at Christmas. Mind you, it’s only in recent years that we really had anything in common (well, not since we all had a crush on McGyver and thought Morrissey was deep). Through our late twenties and early thirties, as they surged ahead in their chosen fields, I spent my time watching CBeebies and cleaning bottoms. ‘ My life is meaningless ’ I would wail down the phone, in one of my late night drunken monologues. ‘ I’m rubbish at housework, I want to go to parties and I’m pretty sure that Jake from the Tweenies is gay’. We’re now back on an equal footing as they have si...

I must briefly return to the matter of customer service as it’s a topic so rich in material I could probably revisit it on a weekly basis. The other day I went into a well known shoe shop with 7 year old boy to buy him a pair of school shoes. On finding the desired shoe, I held it up to the eager shop assistant who asked me what size his foot was. -‘Actually, could you measure him please, I’m not sure what size he is’ -‘what age is he ma’am?’ he asked -‘ well, he’s almost 7 ….. but what has that got to do with it?’ The man was already studying a chart pulled from behind the desk. -‘ Can you just measure him please’ I urged him. -‘ Ma’am, this is his size’ he told me, pointing to a number on the chart. -‘ Err, how can you tell from that ?’ I shot back ‘ He might be big or small for his age…please measure him’. Ignoring me, he disappeared into the back and emerged a minute later with a shoe. Simultaneously irritated and resigned, I hoped desperately that he wasn’t rig...

I need a hobby. Having moved just over a month ago, I've still not figured out what is going to engage and amuse me here yet. Obviously 4 children do a pretty good job of that, but I’ve always been a keen advocate of ‘ me time ’ and besides, I like to counteract my unhealthy lifestyle with a couple of hours self-improvement each week. Before arriving in the UAE, when the plan was to live in Abu Dhabi (pah! in a bedsit maybe), I had done all my research and had identified many classes and courses to interest me. Unfortunately, all this research went to waste when we ended up in Al Ain where I realised there was very little on offer other than trawling the mall or going to the gym. I pride myself on never having been to the gym. The idea of exercise being an end in itself horrifies me. I'd rather do something pleasant that may hopefully result in my becoming toned, slimmer with an adrenalin buzz. The thought of pounding away on a machine with no objective other than gett...